OnlY oNce iN yOuR LiFe, yOu FiNd soMEone Who cAn comPLeTely TuRn Your woRLd around oR iN My Case uPsiDe DoWn. To one such BEAutiful Ray oF SunSHine in my LiFe.

I can share things that I've never shared with another living soul and also things that have no significance and are so irrelevant that I don't even remember them an hour later but she listens to everything and actually wants to hear more. I share hopes for our future, dreams that will never come true,  goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at me in the past. I think of her on every occasion and in everything I do. When something great happens, I can’t wait to tell her about it, knowing she will share in my excitement and be more excited than I am. When I do something stupid, she is the first to say - "its okkkkkk". She is not embarrassed to cry with me when I am hurt or laugh with me when I make a fool of myself. Never does she hurt my feelings or make me feel like I am not good enough or that she is embarrassed by me, but rather she builds me up and shows me the things about me that make me special. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness and a sense of completeness that envelops me when she is around.  I can be myself and not worry about what she will think of me because she loves me for who I am. She cares and scolds like I am baby, she holds on to me as if I am her anchor and listens to me as if I am wiser.  The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, a song, a movie, a flower or a walk becomes invaluable treasures kept safe in my heart and wallet to cherish forever. Laughter seems part of daily life. A phone or message during the day helps to get me through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to my face. A coffee or meal with her is the best thing to happen in an otherwise morose office. A whispered "love you" from her in my ear is all the motivation I need to go through the day with a smile on my face. In her presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation and even the silence is beautiful. Things that bored me to sleep before became fascinating because I know they are important to her. Simple things bring her thoughts racing to my mind like a glass of tea, combing my hair or even waking up in the morning. I opened my heart to her knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening it, I now experience a love and happiness that I never dreamed possible. I find that being loved by her is so true that it scares me. I find strength in knowing I have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the very end. No matter who I am with and no matter what I am doing, it feels a little empty wihtout her. I know it sounds cheesy but I miss her more than words can say when she is not around. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. My only hope and security is in knowing that she is not just a part of my life but a part of me and shall be always.

mY FaVoURiTe QuOTeS: ParT 2 !!!!

Language has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone, and the word solitude to express the glory of being alone.

You get what you get and it has got nothing to do with what you deserve.

I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure - which is: Try to please everybody.

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every three Indians are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your two best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.

If there is one thing worse than being an ugly duckling in a house of swans, it's having the swans pretend there's no difference.

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.

This 3-year-old kid is home alone, and a salesman comes to the door. The kid answers, and he’s got a porno in one hand, a cigar in one hand and a bottle of J.D. The salesman goes, “Hi, little boy, are your parents home?” The kid goes, “What the f**k do you think?”

Memories

"Memories are powerful. They can give you comapny when alone and leave you alone even in a crowd."

Seems just like a quote straight out of a greeting card. But then its true. Having experienced both of these, I am pretty certain that its true. If you don't beleive me then check out Harry Potter use them in fighting the Dementors. Jokes apart, why are memories more powerful, especially the ones that are bad. For example, if you are chased by a dog once, then you can be rest assured that you would remember it for a long long time to come. On the other hand good memories are also kind of lingering in their own way. But in honest truth, I believe that memories tend to linger longer that one realises and many actions/reactions and feelings are governed by our memories of any previous encounter with any object/situation. Hence the adage, one bitten twice shy.

But what to do about people who are like hopeless. who are like irreparably damaged and for whom memories form the last thread of hope left and to which they cling as close and hard as they would to their own life. Then the memories both good and bad are a prison from which there is no escape. After all where does one escape from themselves? At these times it would be nice to have selective amnesia. :-p

I really dont know what I am writing and in all honesty, I do not care.

Dreams / Nightmares

Everybody dreams and so do I. Everybody doesn't remember their dreams but I do. Just the way 'the end justifies the means', the way the dreams ends says it all. oneirologists or dream doctors argue that dreams could be related to what you are, what you think and what you feel. Then again what do doctors know, its all hit and trial for them. Anyways this isn't about them. It is about me and my dreams. I dream not of stars or princesses or fame or money. What I dream about are people who I know, love and also those I lost. Strangely I also see people whom I have never met or seen (atleast my conscious mind tells me that I have not). So i like to believe that I see the past and the future. The past in a way that show me parallels of what happened and hence show me what could have happened if I had done things differently. But what eludes me is the future, is it going to be what I see. Most of my dreams end with me waking up with a frown on my face and sweat on my forehead. But they are not nightmares, they are just dreams with sad/bad endings. And I look forward to the people that I am going to meet in the future, the people who would change my life, though I also think that the people of my past have had a huge impact on me. There are no good dreams or nightmares. They are just dreams.

Waking up.

I was never good at waking up. I was never the rise and shine kind of guy. It was always an ardous task to wake up. But it's been a while since waking up seems to hurt. It physically hurts to get up to the cold realisation of something missing. As i have already mentioned, it just doesn't seem to get any better with time either. I mean there must be a way to wake up with a smile, to wake up looking forward to the day and to wake up with no pain.

माँ का दिल !

एक गाँव में एक बूढी औरत और उसका बेटा रहते थे | एक दिन उस लड़के को एक लड़की से प्यार हो गया | उसने उस लड़की से शादी कर ली और अपनी माँ को छोड़ कर उसकी लड़की के साथ रहने लगा | माँ को दुःख तो हुआ पर बेटे की ख़ुशी के लिए उसने खुशी खुशी उसे जाने दिया | एक दिन उसकी पत्नी बहुत बीमार पड गई | एक तांत्रिक ने बताया कि अगर उसे लड़के की माँ का दिल मिल जाए तो वो उस लड़की का इलाज़ कर सकता है | प्यार में पागल लड़का अपनी माँ के पास गया और उसने माँ से उसका दिल मांग लिया | उसकी माँ ने खुशी खुशी हाँ कर दी | लड़का जब अपनी माँ का दिल लेकर लौट रहा था तो फिसल कर गिर गया और उसके हाथ से माँ का दिल भी गिर गया | गिरते ही दिल से आवाज़ आई, "बेटा कहीं चोट तो नहीं लगी ना?"

I LoVe RaiNs !!!!!!!!

I love rains.......

I dont love the croak of the frogs, the smell of earth, the smell of ginger tea, the smell of fresh onion pakodas....

I love the deafening thunder, the brilliant lightning that lights up even the darkest of skies, the loud sound of heavy rains lashing at the window that subdue all the noise around....

But most of all I like getting wet in the rains, when the tears mix with rains and no one can see tears in the eyes and all believe in the smile on the lips...

Rain rain come again.......

FeELs LiKe a FaCHCHa AgAin. . . .

Shit happens… I keep coming back to this particular statement. Looks as if this statement is destined to stick around with me for as long as I am alive. Then again, I guess it happens to everybody and most of them don’t care enough to notice or react.

PDPs (aka Personality Development Programme) have been the legacy of IIFT for as long as people have known but the batch of 09-11 gave another meaning to it. Ragging ! I mean, come on guys give me a break. Asking students to dance, shout, act and learn the names of seniors and batch mates cannot be termed as ragging in any sane part of the world but at IIFT, it is a grave and punishable offence to the extent that the entire senior batch (barring a few case studies :-p and in my friend Hari Singh’s words, people with needs to indulge) was stripped of any and every little iota of self respect. (then again these are my opinions and my opinions only). What followed was not the silence after a storm, rather it was the sudden tsunami of feelings, violent, destructive and angry from the entire senior batch, but didn’t last long enough to even cause an impact among the seniors.

Few things are pretty clear, the juniors would have the best time of their life. No PDPs, full on fun and lots of benefitting interactions from the seniors. The junior girls would not have any problems getting things don’t with so many testosterone rich seniors (already exemplified). Then again, it is just six or seven asses who give the entire junior batch a bad name. But is there a way out?

Either punish the people who were involved, which the authorities would not agree or just forgive and forget. The second option seems more feasible upon deep thinking because the boycott is not possible for an entire batch especially with so many traitors around.

I told Manish, that we all are nice people deep down in our heart, at least most of us are (again exceptions already mentioned) and we would not be able to stay angry with the juniors for a very long time. Only the 4 affected and a few of them like me who can’t forget the humiliation and the arrogance. I for one can’t forget the ones in the juniors who did it and the seniors who were still kissing their asses the very next day. Period.

GoD iS uNFaiR !!!

It is a hidden fact and the unfairness is all around.....Those who dont want to accept it, hide it behind the various things like Murphy's law, Law of averages etc etc, while other hide behind things like karma, destiny etc etc or cliched sayings like, whatever happens happens for a reason and for the good.....I can go on and on but the essense remains the same.....

Think about it....Hasn't it happened to you that you worked your ass off but didn't get the expected returns?? (Must have happened the other way round too, but that would be so conveniently called luck or the benevolence of the Almighty.....)

Whatever way u put it, it is still God's unfairness.....(though the very existence of God itself is a debatable topic, let's just give the victims of the world's most successful mass delusion some leeway...)

There is another thing that is used to cover this up, its religion, which is a weapon of mass delusion....the fear of hell, the greed of heaven....They say moksh is like attaining true spirituality and a level of contentment, but the greed of moksh is still greed...right???...Then why is this greed right....People aspire and desire moksha but that is fine since it is....

But no, that is not branded as greed but if i say that all i want in life are the 3M's (Money, Mansion and Mercedes) then I am labeled as greedy and materialistic....Just because these things can be bought by money...But isn't moksha gotten by flattery of the Gods....

ReMiNisCEnCinG tHe GeMs Of My LiFe Written By ThE SaANp

To The Gems Of My Life: Vishal, Nitin. Arun, Jyoti, Anuja, Ruchi, Neha, Sneha and Pawan (don’t need to write his name here because he has been there for as long as my poor memory takes me): the only good things that came out of my otherwise forget-worthy stay at SSGMCE.

I do not know why I write this because I do not want to believe that I am missing the one place that I had thought I would not ever miss. It is more than that I guess. It’s more about what that place gave me that I want to mention today. Apart from the gems (only the above mentioned people can understand this part), I think what that college gave me was the education of my life. People called SSGMCE a college but I had always preferred to call it “PLANET SHEGAON”. It was a living organism, with a host of beings. Now I know I am a mean mean person but I cannot make myself to call them humans, at least not educated and thinking ones. They were more like animals (now that would make Maneka Gandhi flip in her sleep and all animals take an offense) so let us just call them beings for now.

They taught me what the caste divide was (at least they tried, but the fact that I could not learn was my doing and my doing only). They taught me that one could not trust everyone and also that there was no test of trust other than the test of time itself. They taught me that people used other people till and when they needed and that friendship for some (unlike me and what I had seen) was just a zero sum game. They taught me that the best defence was silence and that silence was the hardest argument to refute.

Enough about those beings. This aint bout them but this is about the people I love and the people that I got during my stay at that college. Somehow the memories that I mentioned above are all hazy. All I remember are the late night snacks at the canteen, the mango shake, lassi and aam panha, the poha and the tea with parle G, the bakar before the exams, the trying to cheat at the exams and failing at it, the studying at the library(which meant everything but studying.), the movies at Akola, the rallying around akola on the bike, the masti at Krishna, the masti at Rasika, the masti at the temple while waiting for darshan, the studying and teaching sessions before the exam, the panic attack before results. the masti afterwards at pune, the coffee at Durga, the paratha at Chaitanya, the late night walks and coffee again, the fashion street shopping………

Typical masti of colleges and I had my share too but it would not have been possible without the awesome friends that I have. I was the saanp (read snake: for some screwed up reason) but still I am glad I was lucky enough for them to make me their friend.

This is for you guys: Vishal, Nitin. Arun, Jyoti, Anuja, Ruchi and Pawan : who are still there with me, and for Neha and Sneha who chose to move on but nonetheless would always be dear to me and very near to my heart. Love you all always and miss you forever…….

Have you ever been in love ??

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable, so weak. It opens up your heart and so that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defences, you build up a whole suit of armour, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life and nothing is the same again...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They become a part of you. They didn’t want to be. They do something dumb one day, like hold your hand or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

WhaTEveR HapPeNs, hAPpenS foR 'NO' ReAsoN !!!!

All these thoughts are what i, at times call LOUD SILENCE that leave me lonely even in a room full of people.....and other times SILENT NOISES that keep screaming in my mind when I am alone.......

How well do u have know someone before you actually 'know' them??....Never if the person doesn't want you to and yet people keep trying........

How long and how well can anyone 'lie'??....It seems people can lie for as long and as beautifully as they like and yet we end up believing in some people.......

How long before you can 'trust' anyone??.....Everyone knows that you cant trust anyone but still you end up trusting someone......

How long does it actually take to 'forget' someone??.....Depends...... An eternity or merely a minute......

I don't know the answers to these questions. I am no philosopher; I am no great thinker to either to even try to give an answer. But i do believe that the answer to all of them is that there is no reason for anything that happens......There is no reason for people to be what they are, what they do and how they be.....people are just.....well just people.....

"People are like islands, no matter how close they come, they can never touch!!!”

(For all those people who think that they know what others are all about.....)

My all time favourite quote.....So true isn't it?...You think you know someone, you think you understand, u believe u can trust and that is the time that it really beings to go wrong.....It seems you can live an entire lifetime (or at least what seems like a lifetime !!) and yet not understand her a rat's ass bit....Worse yet you end up knowing and believing something that was never there.....

All said and done......Papa kehte hai whatever happens, happens for a reason but can there ever be a reason for deceit and can there be a reason for betrayal.....infact he says "जो होता है अच्छे के लिए होता है......."...Whats good about cheating, lying........

Why don't people realise......Its not a war, its not a game and its certainly not fun.....Its life, love and its the very reason to be here.....

P.S.: What I have written makes no sense.....Not even to me.....These are merely:

things that don't let me sleep at night : the loud beating of my heart,

things that don't let me sit in peace : my thoughts in pursuit of a reason of the inexplicable,

things that don’t let me be happy: my eternal hope in finding a last thread to cling,

things that don't let me live : my mind trying to find solace in the arms of misery.............

LiFe @T 'IIFT' - Written when i had joined.(12th July 2008)

As the clock keeps ticking and with every passing second the eye lids get heavier and heavier, one begins to wonder that the deep pounding that one hears is the constant chugging of a loco running or is it one’s own heart..........

A sudden shout from the teachers jolts us back into reality {but without the euphoria of the time travel..}….It seems that the sheer concentration with which one tries to evade sleep, helps sleep elude us more..The VICIOUS CYCLE of SLEEP as i love to call it….

Then one realises while doing MATHS of how much time does one have to evade sleep that the PSYCHOLOGY of BUSINESS COMMUNICATION is that ECONOMICS is nothing but the MARKETING of the PRINCIPLES OF MANAGEMENT which is like the ACCOUNTING for the STATISTICS of INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY…[ I know what I wrote makes no sense....but i guess GASSING is something that we should learn]…

The best [read WORST] part is the learning of names……With every person that enters or leaves the class, sits next to me in the canteen or mess, crosses me on the stairs or travels with me in the elevator…..All I can think of is “ISKA NAAM KYA HAI YAAR ???? “…..

Though for the pre existing and future LBs it has been a blessing in disguise as they can go up to any girl and say hey what’s your name and indulge in small talk…..Food for gossip : There seems to be a lot of people trying to win…..But it seems people dont respect equality of sexes because girls don’t seem to come out with nominations cos LB could stand for either….

As the days turn to weeks and with no respite from PDPs apparent on the horizon, the studies take a back seat as i yearn to learn WHAT TO DO @ IIFT….as opposed to what I thought I would be doing…[ Recall 5 point someone...:-)]

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .F.R.I.E.N.D.S. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

To My Best Friends
Asha and Pankaj

Without Whom I Wouldn't Be What I Am

Friendship isn't easily described, I mean there aren't many words to describe the relationship or the feeling and we usually end up using many adjectives.......viz Close friend. Best friend. Childhood friend. Intimate friend. Trusted friend. Beloved friend and so on and so forth.....
But whether you use adjectives or different words, few could deny the nearly infinite meaning in such a simple word.......We do not choose our family members and we are definately limited in how many family members we have, Society and mores (and often our own conscience) dictate we select a single mate and we also do not get to chose our relatives, but we chose our friends.....
Friends are special people, because they make you what you are (atleast they get the best out in you, though in my case what came out was a bag of crap i know but what the heck I am still better because I may not be the best but hey at least I am not like the rest)......Its like our friends, in a very real sense, reflect the choices we make in life and the kind of person that we truly are......
Best friends are a separate deal altogether (Boring fact but best friend comes before family in the dictionary where as friend comes before relative).....My best friends occasionally(i should use often but hey this is my blog and i am entitled to use whatever may damn please me) bring out the worst in me and yet, they love me as unfinished and sometimes as broken as I am.....While I am yet to learn how to comfort myself, somehow they can and they do.....
This is one topic where I can go on and on and on.......My friends are my life......

Love All Of Them & Hope I never Lose Contact With Them

"Cut off the talk, and many a times you cut off the friendship". - Aristotle

iTs JusT aNoTheR TesT....

I do not understand what the fuss is all about...Tests, Quizzes etc...As in aren't just another one of a bunch that you have already gone through...Haven't we been giving tests for like ages...अब तक तो आदत हो जानी चाहिये थी.....पर ऐसा होता नही है....लोग अभी भी एकदम hyper हो जाते है...
Cheating नही करते..गलत answer बता देते है ताकि कोई उन्से ज़्यादा number ना ले आए...That too in b school...
Too childish and immature but hey who am I to pass a judgement...I was merely wondering is it bothers me only or others too....Gawd when are people going to understand that it is not just grades that matter, it is more about what you really have and what you can really show to the interviewers which matters in the end....And then again in the job what really matters are not grades but what mettle are you made up of....It is an entirely different ball game there.....
:-p

PaiD ToRcHeR : @TTeNdaNce

Now why is attendance compulsory??...Why is attendance taken at all in b-schools??...

Come to think of it, thousands of students slog for more than an year (some for many years in a row) to get into a b school but then they don't attend classes...Why do you think students want to get in college but not attend classes??...
As far as i know I came to college for a number of reasons, none of which were that 'I wanted to study'...There was the reason of taking a break from work (Phew two years of work was taking it toll on my health!!!), the monitory reason, the 'other' reason...;-)...
Anyways now that I have made it into one of the top 10 b schools, I wanted to chillax but that just doesn't seem to be possible...There is this constant fear of DGPs...(Deficit Grade Points) which means that you miss a couple of lectures and you are screwed for your MBA life !!...
I think, no wait, I know it for a fact that no amount of classes can do you any good if you do not want to attend them...besides, medical science says that an average human can not concentrate and listen for more than 45 minutes...50 minutes tops...(Though the recent internet survey suggest a more believable figure of 10 mins or so.....)Then imagine the plight of the students in two hour lectures....

I guess colleges need to understand that -

"You can take the horse to the river but you can not make it drink !!!"

aFTeR 'CAT' iTs a RaT RaCe !!!

A little over 2,00,000 graduates apply, only a handful get through to being 'branded for life !!'....
The rest either get motivated to try again or demotivated to take the next best college while some get demotivated enough to never try again...No prizes for guessing that I am talking about the CAT exam !!!!
Well I am not patronising CAT or taunting people who didnt get through....All I wanted to say was, "Been there Done that"
This is a sequel to the string of lies that I earlier wrote about....Again I was told, "Get into a good B school and then life would be a bed of roses.........". Agreed that they meant the IIMs but hey one of the top ten is good enough for me.....
Now the problem (as always) that I have is that the competition the urge to be better does not end with CAT, it was just the start....There is this race (I like to call it rat race...) to be better, to be known, to be judged the best......No one seems to understand or realise that even if you win it you are still a rat....This is fine to an extent but spice it up with a tinge of crab mentality (not a tinge but a bag load of it !!) and you have the recipe of a typical B school.....
Only a handful get a hang of this fact but then they feel that they are being bogged down by the hyper achievers that even they join the race (heartlessly and grudgingly)......

'la estupidez conquista todos' i.e. stupidity conquers all !!!

PResENTaTiOnS GaLoRe !!

Name starting with an 'A'. Is there a special reason why almost 18% of the people of india have their names started with that specific letter. (I know...I know I made the statistic up but sounds correct...doesn't it??)..But the parents who christen their children do not seem to understand that what the 'A's of the class of the have to face through school and college and in my case b school too...Being first on the roll call does not mean being first in the class similar to the way that being a front bencher does not mean that he/she would be a topper...It just means First Day First Show for all presentations, case studies, viva voce and almost everything else there is to do...
Anyways I think it is unfair for people of a certain kind to be punished for no apparent fault of theirs...But guess what the misery does not end with just that, being in 'Section A' also has the same drawbacks...All lectures at 9 being one of them...The list is endless and I cannot hlep complaining...
Wish there was someone who wud know the concept of rotation or the use the idea of luck/chance and use it for scheduling the presentations, case studies etc etc etc........So that the sad little 'A's of the world can breathe a sigh of relief.....
:-)

mY FaVoURiTe QuOTeS !!!!

People are like islands, no matter how close they come they can never touch!!

Money is NOT the most important thing in life....LOVE is, fortunately i LOVE money !!!!

I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every other part of my body is broken too.

Man's unique agony as a species consists in his perpetual conflict between the desire to stand out and the need to blend in.

Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated.

The eTeRNaL LiE !!!

Remember our golden years when we were little children and were told that lying is bad and that we should never do it....But there is one lie that almost all children are told and funnily enough it is not even considered a lie....This is my story so let me say it my way.....
I distinctly remember the times before my 10th board exams....I was told, "बेटा ये तुम्हारे लिये बहुत ही ज़्यादा important exam है । बस अभी मेहनतकर लो फ़िर पूरी ज़िन्दगी आराम रहेगा । "
Then came the 12th board when the 'IIT-JEE' fever catches on (For some people Medical fever too but that inconspicuous in comparison). Then came the extended version of the above statement, "सोनू, ये last मौका है सुघरने का....अभी भी time है, थोडी मेहनत कर लोगे तो पूरी life आराम करोगे. एक अच्छे college मे admission मिल जाये तो फ़िर कोई tension नही होगी life long।"
Then came the extended extended version of the above statements when I finally managed to get into a college. (well not good but a decent one for sure). It went like, "एक बार अच्छी नौकरी मिल् जाये तो फ़िर कोई भी tension नही होगी.बस ये आखरी बार है।"
When I finally managed to scrape through college and get a job. Then I realised that there is no end to this. Because then it comes down to a अच्छी company, अच्छा job and अच्छा pay.
This is just a vicious circle of lie that all children are told.....So that they keep running after a better life and an easy life.....Its like we are race horses programmmed to run....n keep running.... And the best part is that when we grow up and have children of our own, we, in all probability would do the same.....Like a elder sibling's hand me downs or a family heirloom this lie is going to percolate through generations and will be told to every gullible child...... Unfair isn't it??..But hey try complaining about the same when you have your own kids..... ;-)